Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
