He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
