He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
