community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
