I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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