So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
