so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
