My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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