I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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