Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
But theres a keg here and me gusta
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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