i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
