Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just cropdusted the office
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Drake has all the answers
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize