she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
