I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
