I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
