Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
