Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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