i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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