ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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