if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
