I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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