hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
