she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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