My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
