he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
