Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
