If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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