he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
