And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
