eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
