She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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