Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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