What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
