Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
