Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
