just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Found the puke drawer
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Someone came in the potted fern
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
