I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
