Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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