sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
