the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
