Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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