Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
