Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
