Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
