I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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