So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
