How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
