Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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