I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
not ubering you a puppy
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
