He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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